It Takes All Kinds

a Few Stories and Profiles by Erik Hedegaard from Inside the Pages of Rolling Stone (with Additional Commentary and Falderal Provided by the Author)

Asheville’s Would-be Nudist Mayor

Ukiah Morrison was a pot-smoking nudist living the freak’s life in Ashville, NC. Then he decided to wanted to become the town’s mayor.

Matt Dillon Is Stressed Out

“My mom used to say to me, ‘What happened to you, Matt? You used to
be such an easygoing kid.’ Starting to act at a young age puts certain
pressures on you. You sometimes feel you’re in a battle when other kids
are just being kids. You’ve got to sink or swim, Jack.”

World’s Worst Investor

Dr. McCall called forth one of his lieutenants, a black belt named Robert, and handed him a cucumber. Robert placed the cucumber against his own neck, covering his jugular vein. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” Dr. McCall said. “I’m going to take action, and Robert’s going to be still. Both are absolutely essential to success. I’ve got a tolerance for error of one one-hundredth of an inch.” Dr. McCall had in his hand a gleaming steel sword. He brought it back and held it high. Then, with a sharp cry, he swung the sword forward at cannonball speed, toward the soft cucumber pressed into Robert’s equally soft neck.

New Age Pro Bass Fishing Maniacs!!!

“I’m gonna share a couple of things here that you might find interesting,” Chupp the preacher liked to say. “When God created this earth, what did He cover this earth 80 percent with? Water! When the Lord Jesus came to this earth and started His public ministry, where was the first place He went? To the river! The first disciples He called, what occupation did they have? Fishermen! God loves fishermen!

“Now, one thing I would like to share is that you and I are just like fish. Either we’re going to the big pond or we’re going to the frying pan.”

On the other hand, there were also some that thought Harmon might possibly be a nut. Foremost among these were a trio of anglers, a trinity of sorts—Rick Clunn, Gary Klein, and Randy Blaukat. It was about them that the Zen article and consequent letters had been written. They were the ones headed for the frying pan. They were the masquerading angels of light.

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Christopher Walken*
Bruce Dern
Woody Harrelson*
Charlie Sheen*
The End Boys*
Robert Downey Jr*
The UFC's Dana White
John Bon Jovi**
Denis Leary
Matt Dillon
Arianna Huffington
Simon Cowell*
Chuck Pahluniuk
Justin Timberlake*
Mickey Rourke
Jesse James
Chloe Sevigny
American Pie Kids featuring Tara Reid's Hamburger!*
Mark Wahlberg
Scream II girls*
Shania Twain*
Michael Bay
The Rock*
Andy Dick
Tom Green
Bert Kreischer
Asia Argento*

Oddities & Ends

The Lobster Boy: an American Horror Story
Pro Bikini Contest Babes!
My Stupid Y2K Problem
Pro Bass Fishing New Agers
Nazi on Campus
Nikki Avalon
Me, Professional Gambler
The Grass Casters' Tale
Inside Pro Bodybuilding
Ross Jeffries, Speed Seducer
eBay Fries a Brain
World's Worst Investor
Asheville's Would-be Nudist Mayor

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